Inter-personal communication is one area where most people lack the basic skills to have a sound and healthy relationships with people.
People may claim to be educated with a degree where they learnt maths and science. A degree does not make anyone an expert in inter-personal communication.
One cannot build good personal relationships unless they genuinely feel respect and compassion towards another person.
There is this story of Solomon Islands. This was narrated in a Bollywood movie titled ‘Taare Zameen Par’ too. Apparently, in Solomon Islands, when there is a need to cut a huge tree and the traditional method doesn’t work because the tree is really huge, tribal men and women from the village gather around the tree and curse the tree. In a month’s time, the tree falls down on it’s own. Nobody knows whether this is a true story or just a folk tale.
I believe there could be some truth in it. Negative words have destructive power. They affect not just your mind but your body too. If you wonder, why do people fall sick for no reason, then observe the pattern – it could be some arguments at work or at home around the time they fall sick. These negative words bring down your immune system.
The central theme of my blog is ‘Power of Words’. People just don’t understand how negative and hurtful words can be harmful.
Our tongue is the most lethal sword. Those nasty words can pierce the body, heart, mind and soul.
Words that are disrespectful, intimidating, dismissive, the spouse is only going to get defensive and avoid the partner at any cost – doesn’t matter what the crime was.
Lack of respectful communication with each other and not lack of intimacy is the key reason most relationships break. The problem is nobody learns from this and they have no inclination to work on this area. It is always the fault of the other person.
I wonder from where do people learn the art of nagging. Possibly, their grandmother. It’s an art that is passed on from generation to generation and will never stop unless you take control and teach your kids how to have a polite conversation not just with spouse but everyone they are likely to interact with.
Nagging is a habit for many. What could be communicated in just one sentence or maybe two turns out as long as an essay with recorded history. So every time a husband forgets to remove the wet towel from the bed immediately after a shower, he will be reminded of all the instances in past 10 years with the date and time when he did that. Is that really necessary ?
Nagging becomes a vicious cycle. When the husband ignores the nagging, later starts another round of nagging for another reason. This goes on in repeat mode.
Nagging only makes the other person feel inferior and not valued and is never worth it. It is the beginning of the downfall in any relationship.
There has been research on this topic of ‘nagging as well where it is calculated that there were around 350 extra deaths per year caused by spousal demands and nagging. The figure only goes up when the husband is unemployed.
Mature couples know the protocols what needs to be done by whom and when. They are discussed peacefully during bed time with a polite tone and not pointing fingers.
While most couples have become expert in making babies, they have yet to master the art of polite and respectful conversation.
Nagging doesn’t work with kids too. That will be a separate post.
Most people observe simple rule. They are willing to do anything as long as they are told politely and it doesn’t sound like an order.
So, the final word is – stop nagging now !! And, if you have been at the receiving end, kindly share this post.