Being a non-confrontational person

In a loud world that loves conflicts, debates, arguments and violence, non-confrontational people are considered weak, spineless and cowards by many.

It is a myth that one can put their point across only through confrontation and there is no other way.

All my life, I have avoided unnecessary confrontation with people, because I see good in others and value relationships more than others do with me.

One can call me whatever they wish, the fact is, I am at peace today.

When I reflect on my past though, especially my experience at workplaces,  what haunts me even today are those negative conversations initiated by others, where I choose to remain silent and tried to diffuse the situation and not let the negativity bother me. Well, it did bother me later on. I wished I could give it back to them.

However, later when I discovered the ‘Power of Words’ and how a confrontation can have negative impact on our own emotional well being, I feel relieved that the approach I had taken all my life was the right one even though there was temporary discomfort.

In my experience, people who are non-confrontational have very few incidents where confrontation takes place in the first place because they use the right choice of words that does not intentionally offend people.

There are people who just love confrontation. They can’t digest their food without upsetting at least one person per day. They have an irresistible urge to pick on people just to make themselves feel superior.

When people get confrontational, nobody wins. It is the beginning of the relationship going down south. Many of the arguments people have is very childish. They are only seeking attention. They are self-centered people who are more worried about how they feel about themselves instead of how they make others feel.

There are many approaches where one can put their point across to another person, without making the other person defensive and uncomfortable.

I tell people ‘You win’ , ‘I lose’ – whatever makes you happy. I have nothing to gain. If you want me to apologize for something I have done wrong, then please say so in a polite manner and in private.

My life experience tells me, that those who win arguments actually do not win anything. In the long term, there are regrets. They wish ‘Aah ! I shouldn’t have said that’.

The trouble with most people is not that they make mistakes, but the fact that people don’t learn.

With every conversation you have with people, one must try and plan the conversation in advance. Should I bring up that topic today ? or maybe another day when things have settled down ?

Sometimes, after few days, you will find that there is no need to bring up a topic that could potentially ruin your relationship.

I realized that these are little things that add up leading a happy life.

People who choose to be confrontational, must watch this space for my mega post ‘Power of Words’.

At the end of the day, I just need a peaceful sleep and a hug from my son.

 

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8 thoughts on “Being a non-confrontational person

  1. This reminded me so much of my boyfriend as he is a non-confrontational person which I thank as he keeps me well grounded. In contrast, I am all over the place, but I also tend to be a non-confrontational person because like you mentioned, there is no real gain in confronting for the sake of doing so.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Another great post Sudhir ji. I believe it’s better to be non confrontational. The people that like to argue can never see anyone else’s perspective. They relish the attention, best not to give it to them.

    Like

  3. I do agree with you in some ways. As someone who loves confrontation, I can argue your statement “When people get confrontational, nobody wins.” My hopes are that the majority of those who wish to confront a situation are doing it for the public good. Not just to yell and lower the opponents self-esteem. I confront those I disagree with to reach a consensus and find a common ground. This way we are all able to speak in harmony and eventually accomplish together. All of this to say, I do understand the person you are speaking of in your entry. Those who only speak to start a riot. Hopefully one day more people will confront with the intent of reaching consensus and helpfully finding solutions together without the screaming, picketing, and derogatory phrases. I appreciate this post! Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your valuable thought. My view is that people never change their views that they held for years or even decades. Most people lack empathy – we find it difficult to understand another person’s perspective unless they put in a lot of effort, interact with a lot of people who are different to them.

      Liked by 1 person

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