Dealing with judgmental people

Posted on by Sudhir Suvarna

One of the advantage of cutting off from people, is that I don’t have to interact with people who are constantly judging me.

There was a time when I used to be very active at work  that I used to get some feedback from someone or the other almost everyday.

My observation is that people seem to have some compulsion or an irresistible itch to put others down.

Hence, based on one or two interactions, a conclusion was drawn on my personality.

In an ideal world, I would love to hang around with people who only see positives in me. I don’t want praise but someone who sees my strength. Because if they do, that is exactly what they get from me.

I have worked with people who derived some sadistic pleasure in bringing me down. They drained my energy even though my job required me to be thick skinned.

Sometimes, even being good to them despite them being judgmental did not work. They look for some reaction and try to provoke me.

I had a standard response for such people – ‘Is it?’.  Because, I believe in being non-confrontational. Trying to convince people who I am and what I am capable of is a waste of time.

I believe being judgmental is in human’s DNA. We tend to project our own traits in others. Humans expect everyone to be their clone.

If people realized the ‘Power of words’, they would be very cautious in what they speak before they judge others.

I have met people who tell me ‘I am not judging you, but I found you very moody.’ But for me, being moody is not the problem. The problem is someone reminding me that I have mood swings. Of course, I have mood swings. My mood depends on  who I meet and how they treat me and how my day went.

I never had any mood swings when I spent an entire day with my son.

Our society has forgotten the art of inquiring about people we know. It’s just a courtesy to know everything is okay. Nobody does that these days. When we do get to interact with people, they have some comment for you that wants you to keep them at a distance.

Why not just be polite ? Just say ‘Hello…Hope everything is okay?’ and move on with life.

Keeping a distance with people is best approach. More closer you get to know people, sooner they start writing a biography of you in their mind.

48 thoughts on “Dealing with judgmental people”

  1. Hi Sudhir Suvarna, while I can totally relate to this whole post and agree for the most part, not quite sure about your concluding sentence. Like you’re right that we’re all judgemental to some degree, but is “keeping a distance with people” really the best approach? I feel that sometimes it’s necessary to open up and be vulnerable, at the risk of being judged. Because that’s the only way we can truly make some new/great friends. Just my opinion and don’t want to offend you in any way, hope it’s ok.

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  2. I enjoyed this post- your personality is very similar to mine.
    I try to keep away from people who hurt me and often that is a lot of people.
    Judgmental? Sure, I am. That is my character trait. How would I be such a good critic if I wasn’t judgmental ?
    About mood swings- no one has told me so but they have promptly reported to my prospective husband ” watch out for her mood swings”, meaning that person, wanted my husband to back out from the marriage if he could.
    My husband, all credit to him, took me, mood swings and all. Now I find I am not moody at all but now I think maybe my tendency of cutting people off, who hurt me, might have earned me the epithet ” mood swingey person”.
    Who knows how a person who wants to hurt will think and will talk ?
    We cannot control other people’s words but we can surely watch out that out words do not hurt another person, even more sensitive than us.
    Susie

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  3. Hahahaha…… This is so true and relatable in the most hilarious ways… while reading I could hear the negativity from people echo in my head. I think they do that to make themselves feel good about their life or situation. I wish we could learn compassion from animals! I just now smile at people if they are being negative or nasty. A smile is the sweetest weapon. I have been called a moody person all my life. But if wanting peace and positivity is moody then yes I am a very moody person! Do not change yourself for anybody. We are not factory made dolls right?

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      1. Absolutely Sudhir… That is why music and writing are my fav oulets… also a nice ride ending with a hot cuppa of ginger tea melts these jerks away! 🙂 try these trust me these people will be insignificant 😉

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  5. I can relate to this as well. It’s not a pleasant experience to be around people whose default setting is to judge or correct or dictate their terms for how others should think / act / live — and the sad truth is sometimes it’s easier to avoid those people even if it means severing a relationship. For some it’s not just a character flaw — it’s their character, and nothing you or I do is going to change it.

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  6. Hi Sudhir, I can totall relate to this. This gets real bad especially when the other party has the position of authority like our boss, parents etc. Like u have said, we can choose to walk away but sometimes it isn’t our choice if they are our parents, especially in Asian culture this is considered as unfilial. Most importantly I feel is to stay positive and be surrounded by others who see the positive and strength in us 🙂 I would like to leave with this quote: “The way a people treat you is a statement of who they are as a human being. It is not about you”. I look forward to more posts from you.

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    1. Thank you for your encouraging comment. Earlier in the day, I tried to comment on your about but couldn’t.
      Don’t worry about your academics, because your destiny is something better than just scoring marks for name sake. That is what I wish to write in one of my upcoming post ‘Gaps in education’.
      I look forward to regular interaction with you.

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      1. Thanks for the heads up! I am new to using WordPress and I guess the comment function is not set up properly. Tbh, I am puzzled and trying to work on that. Haha…
        Thanks for your encouraging words, I agree with u, academics doesn’t determine our destiny. I look forward to your next post on ‘Gaps in education’. 🙂

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      5. Wow! Didn’t know u tried it again! Thanks for trying again! I am embarrassed, till now I still couldn’t get it sorted out. I had managed to drop a ‘testing’ comment in my own post, able to see that? Lol…couldn’t figure out what’s the solution, thus dropped an email to WP help centre. Hopefully it gets sorted out

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      8. Yes…It will …If you go to My site-WP Admin …There should be an option for page settings. You need to click on a tick box to allow comments. Let me know how it goes.

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      15. I see…could u do a screenshot of what u see on screen and just pm me @ lifenfinancebuddy@gmail.com? WP help support is able to see my comment box, therefore they wanted to understand how it looks on other users’ screen. Sorry I feel so bad in imposing u and that I am flooding your comment box with my comments, perhaps we can take this off the comment thread and discuss over email? Greatly appreciate!

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  8. This is extremely relatable. Very often people see what is on the surface and make up their own judgement of a person. I find it very sad when people find pleasure in bringing others down. The ability for these people to be kind and understanding is often a rarity in these situations. Which is why (as you mentioned) it’s always best to keep some distance.

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    1. Thank you for your comment, Katie.
      Yes, you are right. People at work do not realize how much they can help themselves in the tough economy when they are kind to others.
      Inter-personal relationships are not valued, instead we have a them and us culture and nobody wins in the end.

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  10. Yes! Why do some people just have to have a negative mindset, always looking for faults. Even if I don’t like something, I remain polite and won’t offend someone, because I don’t think it’s necessary too. It’s a question I’ve often wondered, what makes some people more tolerant and kind than others. Upbringing, environment, experiences, friendships, education; all shape the person we become. Best stay nice though, I’d hate to be one of those miserable judgmental people, if you look closely they don’t have many friends!

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    1. Indeed Abida. I guess most people do not realize that they can unknowingly offend someone. When they find it hard to find a topic where both parties can contribute, they get personal on others just to make themselves feel better.

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  11. Hello,
    Pleasure to meet you and thank you for visiting my blog page and having a follow, I appreciate the support and look forward to reading more blog post from you. I hope that you find an interest on my page as well.

    Shay-lon

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  12. loved reading this one. I find it prevalent in the Asian culture more than the rest. Maybe cause being candid about one’s feeling at work is still considered as a setback than a way to improve the relations. Very well written. 🙂

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  16. I have learned that explaining yourself to others is a waste. As simple as that. And, mood swings? People judge you before they know what you have been through. We forget that we all have had a life behind us and that has shaped who we are today. Some good things, some bad – they make us behave the way we do, and therefore, nothing should be taken at face value. Great post!

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