Coping with life’s challenges

I have always admired people who lost it all and bounced back in life. Reading their stories motivates me to live, and I wish I could meet them someday and wish them a very long life.

I feel sorry for people who have always lived a comfortable life. These are people who are pampered with expensive toys right after they were born, enroll into some university sponsored by their loving dad or mum, earn a degree, go on multiple dates, secure a job based on their degree, go on a vacation every year and then plan to retire a comfortable life.

Such people follow a typical daily routine in life and will follow this pattern until they are taken to their grave:

Breakfast -> Travel to work -> Work –> Back home -> Watch TV –> Dinner –> Sex –> Repeat

Do you really call this life ? And, do you really want such a boring, mundane and predictable life ?

Life is all about struggling to pay for your college fees, struggling to find that dream job, struggling to find the right partner, losing a job after years of hard work, losing all your savings in stock market crash, starting a business and failing, your friends dump you when you need them the most, losing your home due to natural disaster e.g. a hurricane and then bouncing back in style, regaining every penny that you have lost and later proudly tell the world ‘I have seen it all. I know what life is all about’.

When people have been through a tough life earlier in their life, they are well equipped to cope with challenges later in life.

No one in this world is immune to life’s challenges. That is how life is meant to be. Education, career, relationships etc- people are bound to face setbacks at some point in life.

People who have always lived an easy life are the ones who always play the ‘blame game’ when they hit the slightest challenge in life. They never learn to own responsibility and take control. They look for an escape. This often happens in relationships, where people just walk out when they face the slightest challenge. The irony is that relationships are formed just so that people are there for each other during difficult times.

For the brave among us in this world, setbacks becomes a routine of life. They bounce back in life stronger than before. And, they don’t do it alone. They usually have a strong spouse or a close friend to hold their hand and help them bounce back.

And there are millions every year around the world,  who do not have a support system, stigmatized by society, left alone to solve their own problems,  and hence they leave this cruel world, with a note, not blaming anyone but themselves for their decision. This shouldn’t happen at all. This is the failure of our society at large.  And, this is exactly what I am advocating on my blog.


What can we learn from watching news ?

Majority of us follow news to keep ourselves updated with what is happening around the world. Not many realize that news only highlights negative events. The reason being humans love negativity.

Whenever there is an unfortunate accident e.g. an air crash, the news is discussed by everyone about the accident and people express sympathy. The reason people express sympathy is just to show off to their colleagues and friends that they themselves are wonderful human beings. The truth is that they are not really concerned unless they have lost their own loved ones in that air crash.

News is the true reflection of our society. As long as adversity happens to others, we are fine. When it happens to our own people or ourselves, then it becomes a life challenge and we expect support from everyone.

Why do we keep thinking about past mistakes ?

First and foremost, we need to understand that if all of us tend to think about our past mistakes, then there must be a reason.

Most times, the problem is not the problem itself. But the fact that we keep thinking about past problems. This biological process of the brain is called rumination.

The reason God designed our human brain that way is to remind ourselves of what steps we had taken in the past when we faced dangers, and apply the knowledge when you face a similar problem in future. God’s design was most likely for attacks from tigers or any other wild animals.

However, now that humans have moved to civilized society for a better life, we do not have any danger of tigers attacking us, however we have created a new set of problems along the way.

Problems in relationships, career and life in general are our own creation and is a result of us wanting to live a comfortable life. We tend to ruminate about the setbacks we experience such as job loss, break ups, financial loss etc.


When people go through challenging times, they read a lot of self-help books. Self help books are good motivators and will make you feel good for a brief period. But feeling good won’t change your situation.

Besides that, only the publishers and authors make money from your vulnerability when you are in a miserable situation.

I am not suggesting that you don’t read. But bear in mind that struggles that people have gone through is something that you have to go through too.

I know you won’t feel good, but that is the reality.


Losing a job is not the end of the world

The world has witnessed one of the worst recession in the past century. The world of employment has changed. Job for life does not exists anymore. Layoffs, redundancies will be the norm in the future.

All you can do is be prepared. Many make the mistake of staying at home to avoid the people they know because of the stigma. Don’t worry about what people think. This is the time to go around doing some networking, visit coffee shops, talk to people, explore new career opportunities.

You will definitely go through some anxious moments. But you can’t do anything except to wait until you have the right opportunity.

It is important not to get too frustrated and let it affect your family especially children.

This is the best time to upgrade your skills before you apply for another job.

 

When your love falls apart..

monsoon-couple-storm
Image credit: Suvarna Ventures

People forget that  love is about long term companionship and the ups and down in a couple’s life only makes the bonding stronger. These days people just walk out at the slightest problem. They move on in search for someone better but only until they face another challenge in life.

As mentioned earlier, these are people who always lived a comfortable life. They are not willing to face challenges in life.

Sometimes the solution to marital problems is the way couples speak to each other.

Relationships is a classic example where people walk out instead of facing the problem head on.

Depression, Bipolar are illnesses that affect relationships more than anything else. When one of the partner pushes the other way, there is conflict, confusion and the beginning of the turmoil in the relationship.

While movies and books of romance genres only depict couples who lived happily ever after, the reality is different.

Every life challenge a couple faces can be overcome, even when one of the partner experiences hyper-sexuality due to bipolar (which not many are aware of). These will be tough time but only both face the storm together, you can consider yourself a successful married couple.

Life teaches us that for every problem there is a solution.

Strong people break down too

When people who were strong to deal every blow with a smile on their face break down, they ask themselves ‘Why me’?  The answer is because you are human. God did not design us to cope with so much workload and life stress. We were meant to be hunting or fishing – remember ? And not work 12-15 hours a day.

In pursuit of a better life, we have to deal with a lot of challenges on our way.

Another problem in society, even though most people live in a city of million, we are still alone.

Our society stigmatizes  these strong people who suffer from depression – very similar to the news – people won’t care until it happens to them.

The truth about depression is that strong people succumb to this illness because of all the insensitive jerks around them. Hence, it is foolish to expect any support from such people.

When you are going through depression, remember that it is meant to change your future. You will surely come out of it. When your brain works overtime, it is time to reflect who you wish to keep in your friends circle, whom to get rid off and how you will deal with life from now on.

There are medication available but the best treatment is sunlight, sugar free diet, light music, exercise, writing and company of compassionate people.

 


 

As a society, we must worry about people who do not have the right level of support.

When you know someone is going through hard times, it is best to reach out to them even if you are unable to offer any help.

It is also high time people stop stigmatizing people because of failures and setbacks. Nobody is immune to setbacks.

Failure is part of life’s journey – it’s not a crime.

Nobody should ever leave this beautiful world ahead of their time.

Advertisements

46 thoughts on “Coping with life’s challenges

  1. Hello Sudhir, it’s wonderful to be reading your posts again!

    There are several strong points in this write-up. First of all, it’s good that you pointed out how facing adversity early in life can make one stronger in the future. I can think of several people who faced many challenges in their younger years, but who went on to become highly influential. This makes me wonder if these individuals were able to handle the immense responsibilities they took on because they’d previously learned how to cope with stress. Also, this sentence is highly important: “Failure is part of life’s journey – it’s not a crime.” The only way we can learn and improve is by failing, so I don’t understand why making mistakes is so stigmatized. Encouraging people to never make mistakes seems like a very counterproductive strategy to me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Glad to see you again Josh…Coming from corporate background, I observed that management take an easy way out to blame people for minor mistakes. Possibly because they never faced hardships themselves….earn a degree..get a job and fire people when things go wrong. Companies that do well today are the ones who tolerate failure, learn lessons and become better.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It was a rather long post! But very true.. especially as a person who was put through a bad phase in life in the recent past.. it was soothing to see some of my own experiences reflected there!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. As you say a few sentences later, no one is immune to life’s challenges. So when you’re comparing your insides to another’s outsides like the quote below intrinsically does, remember that everyone has their personal demons and everyone suffers.

    From the post: “I feel sorry for people who have always lived a comfortable life. These are people who are pampered with expensive toys right after they were born, enroll into some university sponsored by their loving dad or mum, earn a degree, go on multiple dates, secure a job based on their degree, go on a vacation every year and then plan to retire a comfortable life.”

    My first boss told me “The number one lesson I want you to learn is that you never know what someone else is going through. Assume it’s as hard as anything you’ve experienced, have compassion, and THEN interact with them at a work level.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Andrew, Thank you for your comment. I was in in the Information Technology industry for more than 16 years and have worked for all sorts of people.
      A PTSD survivor from workplace bullying, having worked in a toxic workplace and been suicidal many times, I know how some people rise up the career path so easy, when the people who do the hard work, late night shifts don’t even get treated with respect.
      Your boss is absolutely right and I was one of those kind of bosses, who believed in treating sub-ordinates with respect.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi my name is Lupita Garcia just wanted to let u know that i do related 2 your story a lot. Because. I have a really. Bad disability so just. Finished reading about it and I really like it because 2 me that’s me & that’s. What I have to deal with every day and night & it is very hard & i could go on & on but just wanted to thank u for letting other people know what it’s like & what’$ it’s about so they could under stand what it’s about & 2 help them out and. Maybe they could pass it on 2 the next person but. Thanks again. & hopefully it will. Help &work

    Like

  4. When challenges and tough stuff happens to us, it can make us either stronger or break us. You have found your strength and learnt to find the nuggest of gold, the lessons, in what life presents to you. That is a blessing 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Excellent writing! Great thoughts!! Second your each and every word.Truly inspiring & practical. You have touched each and every aspect of contemporary life.
    Really failures are so very important and the earlier you face challenges the better human being you become .

    Rashmi

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s