The way we speak to each other makes a huge difference

Whether we realize or not, the way we speak to each other makes a huge difference in terms of how we are perceived and as a result whether we are liked by others and whether we can have good relationship with people.

We know that incorrect choice of words can even start a war. Words are powerful. They can destroy or they can heal.

Along with the choice of words, the tone of speech, how you speak to people is also very important.

It also implies that not using the correct tone, in some respect, could be the reason a relationship doesn’t last long.

Sometimes the impact of a criticism or accusation can be nullified and let it not  escalate into an argument if the recipient just pauses for few seconds before s/he replies. Sometimes you just politely ask ‘Could you clarify what did you mean by that ?’

In an informal and a social setup, we tend to ignore. Because people are known to us and we think they won’t mind.

Professional therapists know this very well. They are professionally trained listeners. They never interrupt while you speak and know the art of conversation.

In my personal life, I have few close friends and they are close because they know how to talk. They are good listeners and it makes me feel good to spend time with them. I’m sure this is how it works for most people.

Some people do not realize that constantly ridiculing others or making some personal  remarks on appearance etc. does not really go well. It is okay once in a while.

One needs to be consistent with people in terms of how we speak irrespective of other’s social status.

When parents get irritated and  yell at their kids when they do not listen and they continue to behave in a manner they shouldn’t, it is actually the kid trying to tell the parents that they are not being heard and the parent is not communicating to them in the right way.

I have known people in workplace who are a typical Jekyll and Hyde who have a different tone when they talk to their superiors and a condescending tone when they talk to their underlings. Such people are only respected for their position .

You meet people at work who get some sadistic pleasure in provoking you, challenging your abilities. It is best not to respond immediately. They only look for some sort of reaction and confrontation. I would let them win the argument so that they let me work in peace.

People at work seem to think they can talk to co-workers with less power in a way they feel appropriate.  ‘Why talk when you can shout?’ seems to be their motto for people in power, when in fact just a polite feedback can do the job.

Past few decades, people use a lot of written communication  such as e-mail to discuss about work. E-mail communication can be the worst form of communication because the sender’s expression cannot be seen and there are many ways an e-mail can be misinterpreted.

Sometimes, people also get e-mails from clients that sound rude or inflammatory. It is best to take a deep breath, have a coffee, think what you are going to reply and then respond.

In  romantic relationships, once the initial curiosity dies, couples talk in a totally different manner compared to when they initially met. When couples complain that their partner changed, what they mean most of the times is that  the intensity of wanting to be each other when they first met has diminished.

Either partner has not changed. What has changed is the way they speak to each other.

Things get worse when they have kids, when in fact, after a kid is born, at least they are expected to control their temper and speak politely, because kids pick up the mannerisms and the tone in which they should speak from their parents.

There could be various reasons why relationships do not work, but one major reason is how couples speak to each other.

There are no educational institutes that can teach anyone how to speak. People learn this art on their own.

Best is to visit a therapist once.

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96 thoughts on “The way we speak to each other makes a huge difference

      1. I’ve been working for many years, and it’s amazing the amount of awful work situations I’ve been in. I think those toxic people live to make everyone around them miserable. Life is too damn short. I just want to go to work and live my life. Finally after working for more than 30 years, I’ve found my ideal job. I found it on Craigslist!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You are blessed.
        I was suicidal after years of bullying.
        I cut off from people for 1 year and lived in London for a year just for my son’s school.
        I suffered from chronic depression because of working in toxic environment.
        I need to write to people so that they get out of it as soon as possible.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I’m so sorry to hear that. I had a former horrible boss that caused my co-worker to get shingles. This same boss bullied and harassed me for a year. When I finally complained to HR, I was out of a job six months later. I had to get counseling this woman was so horrible. The really sad thing is she stayed on for another four years, and management was well aware of her horrid behavior. They just looked the other way. I do believe if I ever saw this woman, I would punch her in the face. No wait, I would beat the living shit out of her. Lucky for her she moved to the East Coast of the US. She got another job at another university doing the same thing. I hope karma truly bites her in the ass!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Thing about Karma is these people are not affected. I know Dr. Gary Namie based in the US is fighting hard to pass the bill on workplace bullying.
        It is very hard when it comes to management because they always have an upper hand and claim that you were a non performer which is far from the truth. I was devastated..I even cut off from family and friends.
        Later, I met with a car accident and only since last year I am back up fighting it out.
        I am worried about my son. But I will come out stronger. Will fight till the end to stop this menace.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Unfortunately it all comes down to poor management.After I complained to HR, who the head of HR was buddies with, my tormentor, things got really bad. I even told my boss that if I treated her like she was treating me, we would be come to blows. I also told her I was looking for another job. After I was fired, she targeted my co-worker who got the shingles. I’m so sorry you had to go through this.

        Like

      6. I am really sorry for you too. HR is always their friend. Management incompetence is one elephant in the room which nobody wants to talk about.
        I believe the extended recession is because of their incompetence because competent people were fired and the ass kissers don’t have a clue how to run the company.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. No kidding. I have never been an ass kisser, and it’s probably hurt me. But I truly despise people who do. The ass kissers are never as talented as the people who don’t ass kiss. And they never will be.

        Like

      8. Thanks, I’ll have to check that out. I’m so sorry about losing your brother in-law. Sounds like you have had a rough go of it. Please always know that things do get better.

        Like

      9. While I blog about all of those things, I like helping others. Sometimes it just helps hearing other people’s point of view on things that really matter. Most of us have to work, and having a good workplace is crucial for overall happiness.

        Like

      10. I know how that feels. My horrible wretch made me doubt my abilities. I’ve worked for some awful people, but no one ever made me feel like that. It took me a good year to get over it.

        Like

      11. Yes….that is one reason…poor listeners… Don’t they yell at their wife when they get late to work because they can’t find their underwear .
        I have a loads of points which will surprise everyone.

        Liked by 1 person

      12. One of my best manager in 16 years was a woman.. Though I have worked for bad bosses and customers who were women – I guess they are just trying to imitate men.
        What is your view ? Or is bad management an epidemic which nobody has a cure,

        Liked by 1 person

      13. The worst bosses I’ve had were all women. I think its just bad upper management. When you have rotten management, good people leave. Someday these companies will get a clue, in the meantime, all of their best employees will go elsewhere.

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      14. One of my best manager in 16 years was a woman.. Though I have worked for bad bosses and customers who were women – I guess they are just trying to imitate men.
        What is your view ? Or is bad management an epidemic for which nobody has a cure,

        Like

      15. It’s hard to separate the two. But it definitely spills over. How can it not? My husband dislikes his job, but doesn’t complain about it. I’ve told him to find another job, but he has many years invested in his current position and doesn’t want to walk away. I’m like, if you are treating me bad, see ya!

        Like

      16. Indeed.. personal life is the biggest tragedy.. spouse and kids are ignored because corporations make you believe giving your blood and soul is why we exist and in the end they will give you a greeting card.

        Liked by 1 person

      17. Honestly as I’ve gotten older I just don’t give a crap. I’m well educated, experienced and most of all am kind to others. My family means the world to me and in the end, that’s all that really matters.

        Liked by 1 person

      18. Yikes! That’s awful. I recently met a young man who worked for Amazon. He lasted for 10 months. He had a staff of fifty direct reports, and he said the cut throat atmosphere was just too much to take.

        Liked by 1 person

      19. Unfortunately, the company is doing well…so the karma principle hasn’t taken effect yet and there is no other competition in books.
        Sometimes I feel customers who expect quick service are indirectly responsible for the horrible work environment there.

        Liked by 1 person

      20. That’s terrible. One thing that has helped me over the years, is helping others. I volunteer for two charities, it really helps with your self esteem. I teach financial literacy to high school students, and have been visiting a elderly home bound senior for the past five years.

        Like

  1. Beautiful article. It speaks the truth. How you talk to someone is what matters more than what you say to someone. I try to get this across to people, but some do not listen. It is fine. They will learn on their own.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. They won’t get it. Because, nowadays it is all about ‘This is me..’ ..’This is how I am.’ despite broken relationships. The change they need to make it is just a minor change in tone…a little politeness in talking and listen more than you talk.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It is a good one! Sometimes, you forget the simplest things. Like having a coffee before replying rashly. These small things will definitely inhabit my head for the days to come. And I’m sure I’ll think twice about how I speak 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Conversation is an art, only few people are blessed with. Timing and Tone are indispensable for a good conversation.and You are absolutely right, people don’t LISTEN these days. though everyone wants to be listened !
    If we learn to pay attention to others and practice silence where required, building healthy relationships is not such a difficult thing.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I have seen people who tell their entire story and when it’s your turn to talk, they talk something irrelevant in the mid…giving you enough sign…BE QUITE.

        Like

      2. I know …as if your pain is not important…I wonder if they ever realize it. Maybe, a polite feedback will help. I feel we are wired to talk and not listen.
        Listening and feeling compassionate is the most difficult trait for any human.
        These therapist are professionally trained for listening.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. So allow me to be patient and listen to you – I promise I won’t disappoint. 🙂
      Btw… I am on Quora just to listen to people who feel suicidal. …
      3 lives saved so far. One of them a 16 year old boy..he has decided to pursue his dream.
      My goal is to hear out 100 people by end of the year.
      Keep in touch 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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