Whether we realize or not, the way we speak to each other makes a huge difference in terms of how we are perceived and as a result whether we are liked by others and whether we can have good relationship with people.
We know that incorrect choice of words can even start a war. Words are powerful. They can destroy or they can heal.
Along with the choice of words, the tone of speech, how you speak to people is also very important.
It also implies that not using the correct tone, in some respect, could be the reason a relationship doesn’t last long.
Sometimes the impact of a criticism or accusation can be nullified and let it not escalate into an argument if the recipient just pauses for few seconds before s/he replies. Sometimes you just politely ask ‘Could you clarify what did you mean by that ?’
In an informal and a social setup, we tend to ignore. Because people are known to us and we think they won’t mind.
Professional therapists know this very well. They are professionally trained listeners. They never interrupt while you speak and know the art of conversation.
In my personal life, I have few close friends and they are close because they know how to talk. They are good listeners and it makes me feel good to spend time with them. I’m sure this is how it works for most people.
Some people do not realize that constantly ridiculing others or making some personal remarks on appearance etc. does not really go well. It is okay once in a while.
One needs to be consistent with people in terms of how we speak irrespective of other’s social status.
When parents get irritated and yell at their kids when they do not listen and they continue to behave in a manner they shouldn’t, it is actually the kid trying to tell the parents that they are not being heard and the parent is not communicating to them in the right way.
I have known people in workplace who are a typical Jekyll and Hyde who have a different tone when they talk to their superiors and a condescending tone when they talk to their underlings. Such people are only respected for their position .
You meet people at work who get some sadistic pleasure in provoking you, challenging your abilities. It is best not to respond immediately. They only look for some sort of reaction and confrontation. I would let them win the argument so that they let me work in peace.
People at work seem to think they can talk to co-workers with less power in a way they feel appropriate. ‘Why talk when you can shout?’ seems to be their motto for people in power, when in fact just a polite feedback can do the job.
Past few decades, people use a lot of written communication such as e-mail to discuss about work. E-mail communication can be the worst form of communication because the sender’s expression cannot be seen and there are many ways an e-mail can be misinterpreted.
Sometimes, people also get e-mails from clients that sound rude or inflammatory. It is best to take a deep breath, have a coffee, think what you are going to reply and then respond.
In romantic relationships, once the initial curiosity dies, couples talk in a totally different manner compared to when they initially met. When couples complain that their partner changed, what they mean most of the times is that the intensity of wanting to be each other when they first met has diminished.
Either partner has not changed. What has changed is the way they speak to each other.
Things get worse when they have kids, when in fact, after a kid is born, at least they are expected to control their temper and speak politely, because kids pick up the mannerisms and the tone in which they should speak from their parents.
There could be various reasons why relationships do not work, but one major reason is how couples speak to each other.
There are no educational institutes that can teach anyone how to speak. People learn this art on their own.
Best is to visit a therapist once.