I never failed – I would never accept myself as failure – Failure is not me.

I disconnected from the world for more than 2 years following my first start up failure.

It is hard to believe for a never give up man to be where I am today from a well settled job in London.

I never failed. I would never accept myself as failure. Failure is not me.

People talk about being depressed for setbacks. They do not understand what depression really is.

My concentration, focus, memory, emotions failed. I lost the will to live for the first time when I suffered from PTSD.

A car owner’s brakes failed that made me bed ridden for few months. I never failed – I got up and walked – with crutches faster than I would normally do.

People I knew whom I used to call so-called friends failed. They look at me differently today as I am not the same friend who worked in the UK for so long. Perhaps, even laughing behind my back.

God failed big time. With all his powers he has and my 2 months of prayers for him, he could not save my brother in law, who was the only family member who understood about my depression.

My tears failed too during my brother in law’s funeral because of this bloody chronic depression. My sister felt I had no emotion for her husband. She isn’t talking to me since then.

By the way – my phone doesn’t work most of the times, so please do not misunderstand if I did not pick up your call. And I laugh when I recall I worked in I.T. for 2 major telecoms company in the United Kingdom.

I can survive for another year or two. I need to succeed with my 3rd attempt at my start up at any cost.

Failure is in giving up. Failure means letting God, my family, my son down.

My son won’t be proud of me if I gave up and I will never let him down as long as I am alive.

Thank you Mr. Depression. You can’t make my life worse than this. Thank you for making me stronger than ever.

I never failed. I would never accept myself as failure. Failure is not me.

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13 thoughts on “I never failed – I would never accept myself as failure – Failure is not me.

  1. Depression is a gift from God although a very very agonising one but it teaches you and changes you for better. I am sure you will get out of it in no time… With thoughts like yours, depression will run away from you. The only way to get out of it is having immense faith that God gave you this for a reason and counter every negative or obsessive thought by thanking god and saying… Thank you God for the thought, you are giving this thought for my benefit in my mind. Gratitude will see you through. Thumbs up for your post😀😀

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You suffered and may be got self centered but that’s okay. Others should understand your problem too, God will ensure that you have people in life who will see you through thick and thin. They are your real friends like your son. You should focus on getting well right now. Those who have gone will come back too. You just need to come out of this with flying colours. And You got this depression for a good reason, find out that reason and you will be out of it. I assure you I know very well about this problem😀

        Liked by 1 person

  2. For someone who have gone through a lot, I really am inspired by how you are able to take things as positively as you can. Yes, you have depression but it doesn’t define who you are.I think as I am catching up reading your posts, you are a man of strength and great character and your family is blessed to have you. I hope your sister will be able to see that you love them including your brother-in-law (condolence for your loss as it is hard for us to lose those people who are dear to us and understand us). I believe depression is a battle you can surely win.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Shine. When life became hard and nobody understood what I was going through, I thought of writing. Never been good being in technology all my life. Writing was my healing therapy and I have to come out of this mess for my son’s sake as I got to live until he is able to stand up on his own
      feet.
      Thanks for your encouraging comment Shine. It takes a lot of effort to even bother to comment in the current busy schedule people have.

      Liked by 1 person

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