Why is it that we can’t forget people who hurt us ?

The root cause of all miseries for most humans is our own thoughts.

Humans are the only living species perhaps that has the ability to recall each and every incident that has ever happened to us in our lives.

The purpose of our brain is to record vision, events, words and what we read that gets stored in our memory somewhere which we can recall later on in flash of a second. This is how God (for those who believe) has designed us humans to remember what you see and what you hear.

The fact that humans have not been kind to each other and despite all the technology available to us, we have still not figured out to use the right words to communicate with another soul, for whatever reasons, is not God’s fault.

We would all like each and every human interaction to be pleasant, people polite to each other but that is not always the case.

Language was invented to express our good feelings, sadly, most of us do not understand how our words affect others.

If you think over, it is not the actual  unkind or harsh words spoken to you or an unpleasant act that causes discomfort,  but it is our memory that tries to recall that event that keeps reminding you of what happened in the past.

You often find people telling you ‘I can’t forget what s/he did to me’  – and that is a major problem.

Humans can’t forget because our brain was designed in such a way that we remember everything that happened in our life but can’t forget.  When humans start forgetting, it implies the brain isn’t functioning properly and needs treatment.

Hence, forgetting isn’t possible – forgiving is. Forgiving is the conscious act of letting go unpleasant thoughts. Forgiving is the tool given to us to erase unpleasant memories.

When you say affirmations to yourself –  ‘I forgive you for what you have done to me. I accept that you are as human as me.‘ – you are tuning your sub-conscious mind to get rid of unpleasant memories and try and remember only positive thoughts.

It is perhaps a hidden dark trait of humans that we only remember the negative words spoken to us but not the kind act done by the very same people who hurt us.

This is a common problem between couples. When one of them is upset with the other about some unkind word said to him/her,  s/he often forgets all the kind words said in the past or the kind act done to the other in the past.

Best way forward is to let go off your ego and practice the act of forgiving.

Another option is to write an e-mail to that person directly after a few weeks, when your anger has settled down and write it out in a very polite way as to how and why you were upset with that person and how it has affected you.

You might never know that the other person who has hurt you might also be regretting for his/her act and did not know how to approach you. Your initiative is exactly what the other person was looking forward to patch up.

Also, while you write it out, there are chances that you might find the whole reason of being upset with the other person was silly and childish in the first place and you might just want to be normal with the person.

There is no point telling the whole world how much upset you are with this person, because no one else can solve the problem other than the both of you involved.

Direct communication always helps. It is best to let go off bitter feelings, share it with person involved and work out a solution to move forward.

I know it’s difficult to let go our ego, but it can be practiced.

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10 thoughts on “Why is it that we can’t forget people who hurt us ?

  1. Empathy is what we should try to practice in our life, not focusing only on our feelings or how other people have hurt us but instead on knowing or being interested to know why a person did what they did. Usually people are also going through tough times and they bark at us apparently because they are not feeling good but not necessarily because they hate ir intend to hurt us. Although I recognize that there are those who are really are out to hurt others, most of them don’t, they are just being human, affected by pain. 🙂 Keep the positive vibe! 🙂

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